NOT MY JACKET BLOG – The Hive NZ | Shop Small & Support Small Kiwi Brands

You might recall the name Grace Millane, a young woman murdered by a man she met on a dating app, while travelling in New Zealand in 2018. One of the ways Grace’s family honour her memory is working to empower women that have been affected by family violence.

In association with Women’s Refuges, The “Love Grace” appeal collects handbags and fills them with 6 essential items (and optional extras) for women in need.

From an initial target of 50 bags,more than 7,000 Love Grace handbags have distributed across the UK, NZ and Singapore.

This year’s campaign launches 14th February (Valentine’s Day) and runs through to 8th March (International Women’s Day). If you’d like to get involved, here’s what you need to know:

Anyone forced to change their behaviour because they are frightened of their partner or ex-partner’s reaction is experiencing abuse. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, background, gender, religion, sexuality or ethnicity. Domestic abuse is never the fault of the person who is experiencing it. Domestic abuse is a crime.

The Love Grace Appeal

The Bag

It doesn’t have to be a brand new bag, AS LONG AS it’s in extraordinarily good condition, and big enough to hold lots of items – roughly 30 cm.

If you’re considering a second-hand hand bag, the rule of thumb is, if you wouldn’t be DELIGHTED to receive it, then that’s not the bag to use.

The bags are symbols of love, support and hope for women starting over after unimaginable hardships.

There’s a reason why the toiletries aren’t delivered in boxes or supermarket bags. Sure, they carry essential items, but the bag itself is a non-essential. It’s a gift. It’s a taonga. So it’s super important that the bag conveys dignity.

There’s a difference between a gently used item, and someone else’s cast-offs. This isn’t the space for “they should be grateful to be given anything at all”.
Don’t be that person.

The Essentials

There are six basic items that form the basis of a Love Grace bag. They MUST be brand new and in their original packaging.

Toothpaste
Toothbrush
Shower Gel
Shampoo
Conditioner
Deoderant

The Extras

Wipes or tissues
Moisturiser
Sunblock
Plasters
Soap
Hand sanitiser
Lip balm
Cotton Buds
Face cloth
Torch
Hairbrush
Sanitary Items

Luxuries

Hairclips
Perfume
Notebook and pen
Playing cards
Coin purse/wallet
Scarf
Sunglasses

Please do not include

Sharp items, including manicure sets
Ibuprofen or Paracetamol
Shavers
Money
Contraceptives
Food

Drop-off locations will be finalised and posted on the Love Grace NZ Facebook page from 11th February.

“…for other non-Māori, your ancestors have stories that deserve to be told, wisdom that deserves to be shared, songs to be sung, crafts to be remade, creatures to revive. You don’t need to know everything, you just need to learn something…” (thedigitalmaori @threads.net)

Hi, I’m Angel, and despite what the label says, This IS my blog, and those ARE my jackets.

There’s a whole rack more, waiting to be finished (watch this space) and a secret pile more that we pretend not to know about.

In the rest of my life, I’m fairly standard: I have a husband, a grown up child, a deep faith, a hybrid car, a wicked sense of humour. I’m kind, I have great shoes and I give fantastic hugs. I’ll pick the red gummy airplane every time. I smile all the way home when a complete stranger’s dog acts like he likes me.

But for the rest of the time? Jackets. It’s jackets all the way down.

Don’t feel sorry for me – I’m fully aware that this is kind of an odd thing for a grown woman to do with her time. It’s okay. Art is like that.

Ooo, you’re clever. I could never do that…

The more I learn, the more comfortable I become with not being ‘the smartest person in the room’. I don’t really know anything about many things, and knowing that gives me so much room to experiment. Trust me on this.

It’s super easy to learn something if you’re willing to make mistakes and look a bit stupid. You can get good at almost anything, if you don’t mind being useless at it for a long time.

Impatience and shame are terrible reasons to quit.

Once upon a time, I couldn’t do that, either

A year or so ago, I was invited to learn to weave korowai, traditional Māori cloaks.
The first thing I learned was, a kakahu is not a korowai any more than a tabby cat is a tiger. Specifically, korowai are made from muka, flax and are usually adorned with tassels rather than feathers. They demand a high level of skill and take a great deal of time.

Starting out using mop string and Spotlight feathers, I was definitely at the tabby cat end of the scale.

That’s how this round of “you’re so clever…” began – with me being absolutely useless. I started with cheap materials, with an implied expectation of, and less penalty for, mistakes. I had skilled and patient tutors, and found enough humility to accept correction, and go back to do it again, better. By the end of the year, I was able to present small kahu hurhuru to a few wahine toa, heroic women and one full length cloak for kura kohatu, the unveiling of a headstone.

Somewhere in the middle of this, I became aware* that even though I was invited in and made welcome, this Pakeha woman was standing in a space that more rightly belonged to tangata whenua, indigenous people. It was time for me to step aside.

I am so grateful for that time. It was an incredible experience. I wove aroha, love and kotua, esteem into every knot, mindful of the recipient and the turning point honoured in the gift.

Can I find a way to echo that in a Pakeha context? A garment that represents a covering that for big feelings and special occasions?

There are garments specific to times and places – graduation robes, a wedding dress, uniforms of various kinds – but I’m struggling to find something with more broader application. While I keep looking, I’ll enjoy experimenting here.

Fashion fades, denim is forever

Many people remember their first denim jacket. Quite a few still have it. True, a denim jacket isn’t exactly the right thing for formal occasions, but I’d argue that there’s often one there in life’s great moments: first date, first heartbreak, that unforgettable hangover, the night under the stars – your denim jacket. IYKYK

That question sparked the joke that started the brand that lead to this blog: Not My Jacket

I don’t actually think the denim jacket is the right garment, but I haven’t found a better one. Yet.
I’m very interested to know your thoughts!

*to be very, very clear, no one did or said anything that made me feel this way. It’s just. When you know better, you do better. And now I know better.
also, IYKYK? If you know, you know.